Today has been a rough day. From the moment that I woke up, I have been filled with emotions. Tears have come very easy on and off all morning.
It all started with my morning mindfulness session. I typically meditate every morning. One thing that people do not realize about mindfulness and meditation is that it is not always meant to simply clear your mind. We are all human and our minds are always working. Sometimes, sitting still brings up a lot of emotion and that is ok. It is how you learn to handle those emotions, sitting with them and not judging yourself or the emotions, that is important.
Then, it was thinking about all of the nurses, doctors, police officers, grocery store workers, and so many others on the front lines that brought me to tears. I happened to see a very moving montage on TV that sparked it. I have been struggling with this new reality, but I cannot help but think that these people are just total and complete heroes. We owe everything to these people as they sacrifice everything to keep us safe. While sometimes it seems very difficult to stay inside and away from others, it cannot even compare to what these people are dealing with every day. So thank you to all of you who are on the front lines!! We appreciate you so much!!!
I also think that emotions came when thinking about the fact that this weekend is Easter and it has always been a time to be together with family. I am missing hugging my mom and dad right now. They stopped by yesterday to bring over masks that my mom had made and we always just meet from a distance in the driveway. I cannot invite them in or hug them. I hate it. I know how much my kids miss them and their other grandparents. I also know how much we are missing getting together with all of our family to celebrate. It made me very sad.
I also was thinking about how life has changed forever. I have to believe that once this is all over, things will never be the same. That makes me sad for my children. I feel so sad for all of the seniors out there missing out on this last year of high school. I feel sad for kids in kindergarten missing out on this very special year. I feel bad for all of the kids missing their wonderful teachers (my daughter misses her 3rd grade teacher more than anything I have ever seen in my life and it breaks my heart). I visited a student of mine yesterday and had to wave to her from her front lawn for social distance. It was so great to see her smiling face, but heart breaking that she ran to me and wanted to give me a hug and I had to push move away from her. She did not understand.
What I have learned though is that emotions are not a bad thing and definitely not something to be ashamed of right now. We are all dealing with this in our own way. When this all started, I thought that I would be able to be strong through it. What I have learned is that the longer it goes on, the harder it is to give myself a break. I still want to be the best for my kids and sometimes I don’t feel like I have the energy or patience to do it.
I read an amazing post yesterday that equated this feeling and this pandemic to being on a plane. Sometimes, when we are flying, we may hit turbulence. The pilot will come on and talk to the passengers in a calm voice letting us know that we are going to be hitting some bumps and that the flight attendants will not be serving snacks or drinks for a while. We need to put our seat belts on. No one sounds panicked in that moment. We are also reminded to put on our oxygen masks first before helping our children. That is what is happening now. We must be taking care of ourselves so that we can best take care of our children. We need to be the ones not sounding panicked while the news blares data and numbers that they do not need to be worried about. However, it is ok to realize that we have to take the time to let the emotions out and to take care of ourselves so that we can be the best for them. Many parents are playing teacher, parent, chef, hairstylist, therapist, etc all day long. It is a lot of turbulence.
One of the things that I decided to do was to think about the positives of this all being over and being able to hug those people I miss again. I recorded my mindful minute for my students on that idea. Here it is. Feel free to give it a try. I hope that it lifts your spirits and helps you today!
This unprecedented time has been teaching me something new every day. Every day I try to find out what I can take away from this pandemic. My most recent revelation is that my anxiety is heightened by my expectations. I don’t know about you, but when this whole thing started, I immediately decided that I needed to become the best teacher ever finding every possible fun activity for my students. I was enticed by the idea that we did not have to stick directly to a curriculum and finally had a bit more flexibility. I was spending hours trying to figure out ways to make this all fun and exciting for my students. Before I knew it, it was like so much that I take on in the past. I felt like I was burning out quickly…and it was just week 2. At the beginning of all of this, I also thought that I was going to work to be the best mom ever during our time quarantined together. I was going to set up work stations in my home for each of my three kids, myself and my teacher husband. We were going to work gloriously through all of our assignments and online classes and everyone would be as on task as we are when we are all away at our respective schools. Guess what…that has yet to happen. Of course, I blamed myself for the lack of structure even though I equipped everyone with paper, binders, a cup of freshly sharpened pencils and work spaces adorned with pretty table clothes. I also started looking at this time as an opportunity to get every nook and cranny of my house cleaned and organized just like I had always dreamed of doing while driving home from work so many times. I thought that this was the opportunity to get all bills paid and a system of organization created like no other! I wanted to be the Julia Child of dinner making and have fun breakfasts on the table when the kids came downstairs because, after all, that is what I always told myself I would be if I ever got the chance to work from home. Oh, did I mention that I also conjured up the idea that I would become a work out champion and lose 20 pounds by week 3 of this whole thing???
Well, as you can imagine, not one single part of my day looks anything like these expectations. Most days start with me picking up the living room from whatever everyone has left behind the night before. Breakfast is usually cereal or toaster strudels made by the kids themselves. The house is picked up and some rooms have gotten some deep cleaning, but then they tend to get messed up pretty quickly. Last night’s dinner was frozen pizza and chicken nuggets and because of other nights like that, I have gained 5 pounds. My anxiety most days has been pretty high to say the least.
However, I did realize something yesterday. My lesson for yesterday is that this is not a “vacation” or time off. See, this time is not anything that any of us could have prepared for. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would be a work from home mom during a pandemic. Never could I have imagined teaching my 6th graders from a fold out table in my dining room. Never could I have prepared for any of this uncertainty. Never could I have prepared for being the mother of kids during a time when everyone is trying to live every day while worrying if they or a loved one will be the next to get sick. What I need to learn in this time and what I hope that everyone can learn….. we need to take a pause. We need to remember that while we may be home and have some time away from work, we are also dealing with a pandemic! We are dealing with scary news at every turn. We need to take this time to take care of ourselves and our loved ones in the best way that we can. We may never get (and hope we don’t get) this time again. It is ok not to get every big project that you think you need to get done completed. It is more than ok to take a nap in the middle of the day so that you feel rested. It is ok to snuggle up with your kids and watch a funny show rather than make them sit for hours doing online school work. Teachers, it is ok to lower your expectations for yourselves and your students when it comes to the lessons that you are sending. None of us know what others are going through right now. Everyone is behind closed doors. While we may be connecting more through zoom meetings and Facetime chats, we don’t know how this is really affecting others. So, my goals have changed for this time. My new goal is to use this time to recharge and rest so that when we are all able to go back to living, we can do so with great vigor!! I am going to tell myself every day that it is ok not to have great expectations for the day. It is ok to work on me and to rest when I can. It is ok to worry more about checking on the well being of my students each day rather than sending them long and involved lessons because their mental health is more important right now than anything else. My dear friend and yoga teacher Mari, from Soul Candy Project, always reminds us in class to press pause. Learning to do that in yoga helps us to remember to do this in our every day lives. I am going to really start taking that advice! I hope that you will too!
Here is my latest mindful minute video that will help you to press pause today! Have a great day!
As an athlete, it is important that you can move out of your mind and into your body. This is so important for so many reasons. If you are an athlete, I want you to think about this question…could you teach someone to take the perfect shot on goal? the perfect foul shot? make the perfect save? Could you explain exactly how the body should feel in these situations? Have you ever really stopped to FEEL how your body feels in these situations? Probably not. Being able to not only know how to teach someone through explaining or showing how to do these things is essential. However, think about how much better able to replicate the perfect shot or save would be if you could explain or remember how it feels.
Having the right form comes from a few things…one is the knowledge of body positioning but the other is muscle memory. Today, take some time to go outside and mindfully shoot on goal, hit the ball, or whatever you need to do for your sport. Do this multiple times really being in your body. Pay attention to how the perfect shot feels so that you can explain it to someone else. Coaches, do this as well. If you are going to teach your players how to take the perfect shot, shouldn’t you know how to explain how it feels? This exercise takes you out of your head and into your body. It helps you to take the emotion out of what you are doing and allows you to focus more intently. This also helps you to train the parts of your body that you need to make those perfect shots or saves. If you are able to really feel the muscles needed, you know where to focus your training. Getting in touch with the feeling of the shot or save allows you to get in the “zone” so that you are better able to focus on the strategy of the game in key situations. As an athlete, I never used to understand why we would practice the basics over and over and over. I now know that it was so that we could FEEL what we were doing and master that feeling so that it became second nature.
Another great exercise to help to train your brain to really FEEL what is going on in your sport is a body scan. Click HERE for a guided exercise from Stop, Breathe, Think to practice this body scan. This is a great exercise to not only for athletes in training, but also helps to relax.
Click HERE for the video of this exercise!
If you have found that breathing exercises are an anchor for you, here is a great one to practice. It is based on the old childhood game of follow the leader. In this practice, you follow your inhales and exhales as they travel in and out of you. This helps you to notice your breath and focus. You should pay attention to how the breath feels going in, the pause between in the inhale and exhale, and then how the breath feels leaving your body. You can breath in through the nose and out through the mouth if that feels comfortable.
This is a great exercise to do with children or anyone who is trying to establish a focus on breathing. It is calming helps the brain and nervous system to relax. Enjoy!!!
I am lucky to not only have two teenagers in my home, but also a 3rd grader. For her, this quarantine feels very different than it does for her older brother and sister. I have to imagine that many young children are struggling in different ways with everything that is going on. It is never too early to teach kids mindfulness. As a matter of fact, I think that the earlier we teach our children this tremendous life skill the better. Here are a few ways to introduce and practice mindfulness with children:
I Am Peace: A Book of Mindfulness by Susan Verde. (Click HERE to hear the book read aloud!)
Puppy Mind by Andrew Jordan Nance (Click HERE to hear the book read aloud!)
A Handful of Quiet: Happiness in Four Pebbles Book by Thich Nhat Hanh
I am a middle school teacher. I have three children, two of which are high school students. I feel for this age group so much. While this time away from school is difficult for everyone, I feel like these students are feeling it the most. Their life is being social. This time of year is the time that they are typically getting ready for so many fun things. In speaking with my children and my students, I know that there is a lot of stress and worry happening. The excitement of being able to sleep in instead of getting up early has worn off. If you are in middle or high school or know a child at this age, here are some suggestions for mindfulness activities that may help ease this time of uncertainty.
If you are a middle or high school student right now and have other suggestions on ways to be mindful, I would love to hear from you. Comment on this blog or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I hope that you can find a way to bring peace and calm into your day!
I am a mother of a high school athlete. It is breaking my heart watching him wait day after day to find out if his lacrosse season is going to be canceled or not. I have watched him do online workouts, play hours of wall ball, string a new net, and keep in touch with his coach and teammates. I have seen coaches around the country post great workouts and films for their athletes to help them keep motivated and stay in physical shape. However, coaches and players….I think this is the PERFECT time for you to work on that part of your game that always seems to get forgotten…the mental game!
I was a high school and college athlete. Most of my training was in the physical aspect of the game. However, I remember clearly a time when I was in high school going up our state rivals. We were playing for the state championship. We were a very good team, but the game was going to be very close. Our teams had been rivals forever and day before the big game, the local paper in the town we had traveled to published a story where the players and coach of the rival team stated that our team did not play with heart. I remember clearly our coach making copies of that article for each player on our team. She read the article to us and let us think about it. Needless to say, it fired us up more than anything. However, what she did next changed the way that we played forever. She had us put everything away and do visualization exercises. We visualized what it would look and feel like to walk into the gym with confidence and clarity. We visualized every play of the game until we could visualize ourselves winning. We did this exercise multiple times prior to the big game. However, what I really remember was our entire team doing this exercise just after walking into the gym the day of the big game. What I didn’t know at the time is that it would be my first experience with mindfulness.
From that moment on, I used that exercise throughout my athletic career. As a volleyball player, I spent many sleepless nights visualizing my serve or the winning kill. As a lacrosse goalie, I visualized stopping every shot that was taken against me. I know that it made a difference in how I attacked stressful situations. What I learned about those exercises is that I could be in my body rather than in my head during a game. I could visualize how exactly to make contact with the ball for the perfect serve or how to move to stop the shot. Being in your body instead of in your head is such a powerful tool in athletics.
Athletes, now is a really tough time. If you are a spring sports athlete, I know that you are more than disappointed that you are not on the field or court. This is a very difficult time that can mess with your mind and spirit. However, what if you took this time to work on the part of your game that you probably do not give enough attention…the mental part. Look, you have probably heard the old quote, “Athletics are 10% physical and 90% mental”. It is so true!! Think of the last big game you had. Were you able to focus in the key moments? Were you able to block out all of the commotion and focus on what you really needed to do? How nervous were you going into the game?
Mindfulness is workout for your brain. You workout in the gym to build muscle, strength, and muscle memory. You run sprints to build stamina and agility. However,when was the last time you did any work on your brain? Mindfulness exercises, done regularly, help to train your brain to be in the moment. They help to train your brain to control your emotions in key situations. They also help you to be able to focus on seeing what is in front of you so that you can make the best decisions on the field or court. However, the brain is like any other muscle. You cannot sit down only before the big game and do one or two exercises. You have to work your brain like you would any other muscle. You are not going to build huge biceps in one or two lifting sessions. You are also not going to build mindfulness in one or two sessions.
Athletes, I encourage you to use this down time to continue your physical training and to add some mental training as well. Imagine the outcome you and your teams could have if you take the time to do this now. Most teams do not fit this kind of training into their every day practices. Having a mental edge can be a game changer! Some of the most celebrated athletes have credited mindfulness with being what has given them the edge. LeBron James has recently signed on to the calm app to do an entire series on his mindfulness practice. The late Kobe Bryant spoke all of the time about how he meditated daily in order to be at his best. Many of the top professional teams have someone on staff that is considered to be their mindfulness coach. It makes sense to take care of the part of the game that is thought to be the most important part!
Coaches, you often get your players at practice just after they have spent an entire day at school. Many of your players are often coming to you with baggage from home as well. Then, the first thing that you do is yell and scream at your players for not having their head in the game. The question is, have you given them the time to put all of that behind them for a minute and train their brains to be here, now? Have you trained your athletes to pay attention to the moment and to arrive here in the game or practice that you are having? This is where training your team in mindfulness can give you the advantage.
If this makes sense to you as an athlete or coach, I encourage you to start your own mindfulness training. Start small by doing a simple mindfulness activity each day. Think of it as an extension to your daily training. Check out my blog post with some of the FREE apps that are available now. Start with learning how to be mindful and trying it each day. When you start, try to think of it like learning a new skill in your sport. It is not going to be perfect at first and needs a lot of practice to make good. Stop back to my blog for specific exercises that I will be posting over the next few weeks. Now is the perfect time to train your brain!
Suggested reading: The Mindful Athlete: Secrets to Pure Performance by George Mumford. Forward by Phil Jackson
Great Video to explain mindfulness!
Many of the people that I have spoken to lately have talked about how stressed they are feeling. Whether they are worried about themselves or loved ones getting ill or they are stressed with the new reality of working from home with their families in the house with them, people are having fears, worry and stress. Our children are having a tough time with the uncertainty. They don’t know when we will go back to school, when they will be able to play with friends, and when the world will go back to the way that they knew it. Sadly, as the adults, we don’t have an answer either.
This exercise is one to help kids and adults to deal with those nagging thoughts. One of the key objectives of mindfulness is to learn that we are not going to clear our minds every time we sit still. There will be many times that our minds are full of thoughts. When this happens, learning to sit with the thoughts and allow them to happen is important. Even more important, learning to sit with the thoughts and then let them go is helpful.
In this exercise, I encourage you to NOTICE anything that may come up, sit with ALLOW the thought to be there and then let it GO. Training our brains to react differently to the thoughts we have can be very beneficial. It allows us to be less judgmental with ourselves and hopefully we are able to transfer that to how we deal with others. It also teaches us to pause before our reactions and allows us to remember that we are ultimately in control of our thoughts.
Click here to view this Nagging Mindful Minute.
With all that is going on, it is a challenge to stop and just take in what is around us. As I sit here typing, the sun is coming up and my house is peaceful and quiet. I can tell you that just minutes ago as I was hurrying to put all of the aspects of my online lesson for the day together, I did not notice any of beauty or peace around me. Now I do and it has changed everything about how I am breathing, how my shoulders feel (a lot less tense) and my mood.
Stopping to notice what is around us a great mindfulness technique. It brings us into the moment and helps us remember that pausing is so beneficial to our well being. In the podcast that I listened to you yesterday, Jesse Israel the presenter mentioned that studies have shown that we take in as much information in a day that our ancestors used to take in over a lifetime. When you think of it that way, you can understand why we need to pause and simply take in our surroundings. I hope that you find today’s mindful minute video helpful! Enjoy!!
Today was one of those days that I needed to take a walk…by myself. During this quarantine time, we have been taking family walks every day. However, this morning I needed some alone time. I felt guilty as I took off by myself. Then, I talked to my husband who admitted that he was cleaning out the garage not because he wanted to, but because he needed some space.
This all got me thinking about the time that we are in. While I have done my very best to see “The Good” in this situation each day, I have also realized how difficult this all is. If you have been on social media, you know that you get both sides.. the positives and the negatives. If you are in certain professions like teaching, you are getting it from both sides. Some parents are telling you that you deserve to make a million dollars a month while others are cursing you for taking a break and sipping wine while they do all of the work. It is all too much.
Here is what I know for sure (to steal a phrase from Oprah):
This is an unprecedented time. I like to think that we may never get this time again to pause and take care of ourselves. We will never again this much time with our kids again as parents. We need to take advantage of pausing and getting rest!
During my walk I listened to the most amazing podcast. It is truly the best explanation of why mindfulness is so important and why rest is a necessity. Take a rest and listen!! It will all make sense!! Enjoy!